✦ Category is: affirmations

Affirmations with a little too much honesty.

Dear Delusion texts you the way your most dramatic friend would. Ballroom-level reads about trauma, dating and customer-service chaos, delivered with love and absolutely no fucking filter.

Open the app Read a few first

Coming soonApp Store Coming soonGoogle Play

Free in your browser today. Add it to your Home Screen and it works like an app.

What it is

Not your aunt's affirmation app. Thank fuck.

Other apps tell you you're a radiant being of light. We tell you you've survived three performance reviews and a man who "doesn't believe in labels", and that you deserve a fucking medal. Both are affirmations. Only one of them is accurate.

Reads, not platitudes

Every line is a read: sharp, specific and secretly very supportive. The humour comes from the shit that actually happens to you, like exes, landlords, bosses and hold music.

Texts from your bestie

Each read lands as a message in a text thread, typing dots and all. Swipe up for the next one, save your favourites, and share a card to your Stories.

Spicy mode, your call

Spicy mode keeps the swearing in, because some truths need a "fucking" in the middle. Switch it off and you'll only get the clean ones, you delicate little flower.

Customer ServiceDatingTraumaWorkGeneral

love you, you fierce bitch — Bestie

The reads

Ten across the board.

A few from the collection. Hover or tap to pause, then screenshot the shit out of them.

Bestie

Enough character development. Pay me.

Bestie

I've been ghosted by a man, gaslit by a landlord and left on hold by my own nervous system. I'd like a full fucking refund.

Bestie

I've survived heartbreak, a quarter-life crisis and the self-checkout at Kmart. I'm requesting a medal and a long lie-down.

Bestie

My trauma signed a lease, my anxiety redecorated and my self-doubt invited friends. Eviction notices go out today.

Bestie

I was let down by Santa, lied to by my horoscope app and abandoned by a man who still had my Tupperware. I want that fucking Tupperware back.

Forwarded to the group chat

My past called, my trauma texted and my ex sent a LinkedIn request. All three are going straight to fucking voicemail.

Forwarded to the group chat

I've been underestimated, undervalued and uninvited from the group chat. I'm invoicing the universe, with interest.

Forwarded to the group chat

My mental health is a group project and everyone else stopped contributing in week two. I'm submitting it anyway and taking full fucking credit.

Forwarded to the group chat

I've been put through the wringer, the washing machine and a fucking tumble dryer on high. I'm shrunk, I'm crispy, I'm still iconic.

Forwarded to the group chat

My inner child is unionising, my coping mechanisms are on strike and my serotonin has handed in its notice. Meet our demands or we shut this whole fucking body down.

Your daily delusion

A read a day keeps the spiral away.

Turn on notifications and Dear Delusion texts you throughout the day, like a friend with strong opinions and zero fucks left to give.

You set the dose. Anywhere from 1 to 12 reads a day.
You set the hours. Only between the times you choose, in your own timezone. Nobody is texting your arse at 3 am.
Random times, every day. Each one lands at an unpredictable moment, so it feels like a real text.
No account, no sign-up. Just open it, add it to your Home Screen, and switch notifications on.

The 30-second pitch

Thirty seconds. Don't you dare skip it.

We made a presentation about it, like it's 2003 and the projector finally works. Checkerboard transitions included, because we're classy as shit.

Seven slides, zero sound, one strong opinion. Plays on its own while it's on screen.

Free while we build it

Your delusion is ready. Get your arse in here.

Open it in your browser now. The App Store and Google Play versions are on their way, so hold your horses, bitch.

Open the app

Coming soonApp Store Coming soonGoogle Play